Marriages end for countless reasons. Some spouses simply grow apart while others experience a major breach in trust that brings the relationship to a screeching halt. If an issue such as infidelity has led to the breakdown of your marriage, there may be a great deal of tension and resentment between you and your spouse. If you are a parent, you are probably worried about how this tension will affect your children. Fortunately, there is considerable research about the effects of high-conflict divorce on children and the steps that parents can take to reduce their children’s stress during this tumultuous experience.
Avoid Arguing With Your Spouse or Discussing Legal Matters in Front of Your Kids
Numerous studies have demonstrated the harmful effects of parental conflict on children. Although many parents in miserable marriages stay married for their children’s sake, research shows that many children feel less anxiety and depression once their parents separate compared to what they did when the parents were living together. Being exposed to arguments and tension between parents can increase a child’s chances of developing mental health problems and behavioral issues. One of the best ways to help reduce your children’s stress during divorce is to avoid talking about divorce-related issues such as child support or spousal maintenance in front of the children as much as possible.
Child support can help divorced or unmarried parents share the costs of raising their children. Child support orders in Illinois are created using the Income Shares method. This means the amount a parent pays in child support is based on several factors, including the parents’ income, the amount of parenting time each parent has, and the expenses that are necessary to provide for children's needs. Sometimes, a parent needs to modify the amount he or she pays in child support. However, certain criteria must be met in order for Illinois courts to grant a child support modification.
Orders Are Eligible for Review and Modification Every Three Years
Illinois assigns child support orders that are fair and reasonable based on the parents’ financial circumstances and the child’s needs. Because of this, parents cannot change a child support order simply because they want to pay a lower amount. Child support orders are automatically eligible for review every three years. During the review, the current child support balance, the non-custodial parent’s employment circumstances, and other applicable information may be analyzed. If it is determined that the child support obligation needs to be adjusted, the case can be submitted for modification.
While all divorces involve at least some degree of hostility, a high-conflict divorce is especially contentious. Child psychiatrist Dr. Mark Banschick calls high-conflict divorces “malignant divorces” because of the stress and emotional burdens these splits can incur. If you are a parent who is getting divorced, and you have a combative relationship with your spouse, you probably worry about how this conflict will affect your child. There is no perfect way to help your child cope through a high-conflict divorce, but experts do have suggestions for how to minimize your child’s emotional trauma during a difficult divorce.
Have Adult Conversations Away from the Children
Experts agree that children can be deeply disturbed by parental conflict and fighting. The best way to minimize your child’s trauma during divorce is to keep adult conversations away from your child as much as possible. Studies show that when children watch or overhear their parents fighting, they are more likely to have behavioral and emotional problems. Working with a skilled mediator may be one way to keep divorce-related discussions compartmentalized, but this is not always a possibility during a high-conflict divorce. If possible, take divorce-related phone calls in another room and avoid “bad-mouthing” the other parent in front of your child.
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