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How Can I Deal with My Toxic Spouse in our Illinois Divorce? 

Posted on in Divorce

oak brook divorce lawyerDivorce is never easy for anyone, but for some divorcing couples, it can turn into a high-conflict nightmare. When one or both spouses are narcissistic or have other toxic personality traits, they may deliberately try to upset or destabilize their partner and make the divorce process very difficult.

Often, spouses seeking divorce will delay discussing it with their partner or filing for divorce because they are worried that it may trigger an escalation in an already difficult relationship. However, staying in a high-conflict or abusive relationship forever is simply not a solution for most people, and at some point, it becomes time to take action. In this blog post, we will look at a few ways spouses can try to reduce anger and bitterness during divorce.

Create a Strong Team and Rely on Them

Individuals getting divorced face an enormous number of stressors. In addition to the breakdown of the relationship, they must tackle major changes with their finances, a reduction in time spent with children, and must often move to a different home. All of this becomes much easier when spouses can create a team of experts, family, and good friends to support them and help them work through the process. 

Although it is tempting for many people to isolate themselves during divorce because of the fear of social stigma, this can make a difficult situation worse. In addition to a skilled attorney who can protect your legal rights, having a divorce coach, a therapist, and good friends on your side can help you move through divorce. Friends and family can often offer a safe place to stay and may even be valuable witnesses if there have been instances of abuse. 

Keep Detailed Records

Sometimes, spouses who are hostile or abusive are so intent on their destructive behavior that they create a very clear trail of evidence. If your spouse sends threatening emails, texts, voicemails, or social media posts, document these and include as many of your own details as you can remember. Keep in mind that your spouse may be doing the same - collecting evidence of your behavior - and that it is wise to be on your best behavior as well. Avoid responding to manipulative or offensive actions even if they are very difficult to ignore. 

Consider an Order of Protection

Depending on the severity of the hostility between you and your spouse, it can escalate to the level of harassment. When one spouse’s behavior becomes threatening, it may be necessary to file for an Order of Protection. Emergency Orders of Protection last for 21 days and can be implemented without meeting with the alleged harasser or abuser. However, for these orders to be extended, a court date will be set and both the harasser and the victim will need to appear to offer testimony. An attorney can help you file for an Order of Protection and prepare for the court date to extend it if necessary. 

Work with an Experienced Burr Ridge, IL Hostile Divorce Attorney 

At Botti Marinaccio, LTD., we have skilled DuPage County divorce attorneys who have dealt extensively with many kinds of conflict and hostility during our clients’ divorces. If you are considering divorce and are worried that your spouse will be angry and unpredictable, we can help you create a strategy for divorce that limits the impact an aggressive spouse can have on you and your children. Call our conveniently located Oak Brook offices to schedule a confidential consultation today at 630-575-8585




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Botti Marinaccio, LTD.


2015 Spring Road, Oak Brook, IL 60523

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